Showing posts with label Idiot. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Idiot. Show all posts

Hey, why do you call your visitors "idiots" and "suckers"?


Hi there! Some people have been asking me about my blog here, and why I seem to always call my visitors "idiots", "morons" and "stupid suckers". They say "It's not very nice to call your visitors those mean names. People won't come back to your blog if you're not nice to them".

Well needless to say, I was quite alarmed when I received this kind of feedback! I certainly didn't mean to put anyone down with my blog, and if any offense was taken, they should know that it was not my intent!

Understand, when I've addressed a visitor as "idiot", it was with the nicest of intentions. We all enjoy some playful ribbing or endearing teases, don't we? If each of us had a nickel for every time we asked a casual acquaintance, "Hey Dan, would you mind helping me move a couch, you stupid sucker?" Who of us does not occasionally pick up the phone (or in my case, go upstairs) and say, "Hi mom, thanks for making that delicious cake for me, idiot." Surely you see what I mean...

Heck, I sometimes even mail postcards soaked in my own urine to random people ("scumbags" I playfully call them) in my town. Who doesn't do that?!

In fact, because of this issue, one or two readers have told me they think I have severe mental problems - but besides my challenges with affiliate marketing, I don't think I have any major (or minor) flaws. I think my psychologist mentioned something about "projection", but she's an insecure jerk anyway.

At any rate, I just wanted to clear up this issue and avoid any misunderstandings. I wish you best of success with your online ventures, morons!

"Results Not Typical"

Hey, here's a great tip for all you who run or manage an affiliate program - Don't worry about providing realistic expectations for what your affiliates can earn - Just make sure you add this wonderful little tidbit - "Results not typical." - Be sure to print it in the smallest font possible though, and always color this text with the least visible, hideously yellow color available...

You should soon get some lazy illiterate affiliates who will sign up to eagerly scurry about and spread your lame pitch all over cyberspace, but not a single one will earn enough to buy a pair of earmuffs!

Do all this, and you'll get away with pretty much any claim you make, and you could earn hundreds of thousands of dollars a month!*

*results not typical

Affiliate Marketing is SO AMAZING!!!!

In writing school they say "Write what you know!" and since I know lots about being a failure, I knew it was a perfect time to get blogging!

Have you (like a moron) listened to a weasely 'affiliate guru' and purchased his AMAZING AFFILIATE POWER AUTOMATIC CASH MACHINE SYSTEM FOR ULTIMATE MONEY MAKING PROGRAM!! like I did? Welcome to the idiots club!


Isn't it so much fun to log into your affiliate dashboard as you pray to that Boba Fett bobble-head sitting on your computer that he grants you 86 cents this month for selling an oriental stir-fry cookbook? Then stick around, and we can discover the insider secrets to making tens of dollars a year from your own home!